Facebook

As I click on the Facebook bookmark and wait with anticipation for the page to load in my minds eye I visualize myself taking the lid off of a shoebox in the middle of an empty room and once the lid has come off all that's inside the box is a bunch of sleeping crickets.

Dream Job

Is it bad that some of my friends send me job links to locker room attendant positions cause I've been heard saying that my dream job is to be a locker room attendant?

Looking in

One of the best things about going for a walk in nice neighborhoods for me is looking inside the homes (best at night of course) and kind of getting lost in the fantasy of what it would be like to live in a place like that or be in place like that for a few moments. I live in a small home in a not so great area so i fancy nightdreaming about these houses as i walk by and look inside.

So tonight i was doing that and it just never gets old, new house; new fantasy and because im walking or jogging by the cycle is over and restarts so many times (plus you cant just stand there and stare, i don't want to get arrested). So anyway i actually saw a couple tonight and the one person had come in from another room to hand their partner a plate with some food on it. The way the plate was handed over with such gentleness and regard and the body language involved well i just couldn't help but to smile because it was so genuinely sweet. Thinking about it now makes me feel lonely and sad as I sit here but it was lovely to witness. I'm so used to inventing my own fantasy about what it would be like to be in such grand rooms. With their high ceilings and large open spaces, expensive furniture and beautiful artwork, wall filling bookcases, warm, soothing lighting, massive windows overlooking beautiful yards and gardens that it was a sort of jolt to be in someone Else's reality for a few seconds.

A walk in the dark

So i drove to a nice part of town i go to often for a late walk tonight. Well when i got there the area was really dark, turns out some of the streets had lost power so all the street lights and home lights were out. It was pitch black and kinda creepy. Well i was not to be deterred and thought it would be cool to job in the darkness anyway (im all about darkness, rain, clouds and gloom anyways so it was like Christmas in September for me).

So as i jogged along i started thinking about The Walking Dead and zombies as i so often do when i walk the quiet streets at night. At some point i was freaking myself out so much i considered cutting the walk short (any excuse to reduce exercise time you know >.< ) but then i looked down at my stomach and put my hand to it (if anyone that was partially blind saw me they might think, oh look an expectant mother; the baby must be kicking) and i was like bitch you better keep moving forward. So then i got lost in an exciting new thought...

I was like OK, if there was a zombie apocalypse what kind of mutant power would I want to have in order to have the best chance at survival (without getting cheap like time warping and super sonic travel and the like). So I was going through scenarios in my mind, if i could fly it would be amazing but I'd have to land and I'd still need food and sleep; i could sleep outside if it was warm but in the Winter? If i could turn invisible would be amazing but they could still smell me and I'd still need to find food, if I could run fast would be cool but what if I came to a dead end or thousands of them and so on. I was snapped out of my nightdream by barking, a dog was following me and it was not happy. Needless to say my sweat levels increased and i kept walking, the dogs owner was walking behind the dog and i trying to call the dog back and the dog was paying as much attention to its owner as i would pay two women making out . This was shortly after midnight so I'm sure the neighborhood was loving it. After much screaming on her part and sweating on mine the dog decided to pay attention to her owner. So i was taken out of my virtual scare by a real life scare :/

As i was trying to calm myself down and just two minutes after the dog left i stumbled upon two cute ass bunnies in someones lawn right near the sidewalk. They were not the least bit concerned that i was coming their way. I stopped to talk to them and tell them how precious they were in case they weren't sure about their preciousness status already. They watched calmly as i made a public spectacle of myself and made me feel better. I completely forgot about the dog. I thanked the bunnies and was on my way. I felt like Pocahontas in  a concrete jungle, all that was missing were some braids in my hair, well and maybe a canoe and a stream.

Backyard intruder

So i dont know if you've ever heard that singer Charice sing the Beyonce song 'Listen', the girl eats the song up and spits it out, she has an amazing voice. So anyhow i had just heard it and i was in the kitchen in my underwear looking for the secret of the universe/something to eat and decided that it would be fun to sing the song i just heard for my cat who was laying down watching me. I decided to sing it with a really strong Asian accent (im obsessed with accents especially Asian ones) so i was trying to sing the song LOUD just like Charice does (if she was dead she'd be rolling in her grave). After "singing" for a few minutes, sometimes singing the same line over and over to "perfect" the accent suddenly i notice there is a man in my backyard!! I had the window open and the blinds up like i was in some private nudist camp apparently.

So i don't know what mortified me more, the fact that this man heard me singing a Beyonce song loudly in an Asian accent, the fact that i was in my underwear looking like i just birthed a water buffalo one hour before the singing started or the fact that he was so comfortable in my backyard it looked like he might be starting a barbeque at any moment. I had to go out and confront him and try to be all though and be like "what are you doing on my property"? and he was like "i was cutting through" and i was like "i dont want you coming through here again" in as low a voice as i could muster. The whole thing made me think of two roosters all puffed up and scratching the dirt trying to be the toughest one. Meanwhile as this was all going on all i could hear was me singing in my "Asian voice" in the back of my mind. Is it bad that i was kinda hoping he'd be like "damn you've got an amazing voice"? and then i would have been like ok you can cut through here but watch the car!

I loathe the building itself

Sometimes as i walk down the ugly halls of the building i unfortunately have to call my place of work i run my nails across the walls when no one is looking. In my mind my nails are made of sharp metal (a la Wolverine) or theyre really long with acid in them (a la Pythona) and i slice and melt the walls as i make my way down the hall and the building collapses behind me. Just recently a co worker saw me  get into what in my mind was a "back flip kick the wall" position in an effort to "put a hole in the wall", it was awkward...

Other times i think i wonder what will be of this building in a hundred years. Sometimes I envision it underwater and i think it would look pretty cool. Maybe this means im a little too obsessed with Titanic. 

I loathe the building itself. There are so many mean people there, so many leeches and so much sadness. Sometimes i feel like the people i work with are leeches and if i'm not careful they will drain the life out of me all at once. They're surely draining it little by little. 

Take care of me, im cute

So i met with a young, pretty tig o bittied DHS client and one of the questions i asked her was what are some of your goals for the future. She replied with "my goal is to find a rich man to take care of me" followed by an awkward silence and a combination of giggling and snorting. When i looked at her like i had never seen anything so stupid in my entire life she said she she was just kidding. I tried to give her a smile but i think i gave her a grimace(sometime i can't tell which is which); i may have slightly gagged as well. She admitted to only working a limited amount of hours so she could still get the most public assistance possible even with the option to pick up more hours at her job. She was also upset that she had to work at all since she had a toddler and she shouldn't be away from her young child because she is a mother and that's not the best thing for the child... not a moment later she said she needs to be home on Fridays to supervise the baby maker's time with the golden goose. By the time our short session was over i wanted to punch her in the face with poison spiked iron knuckles and needed a bottle of Amaretto.

Later that day i was told that a "colleague" of mine had pulled this wretched creature out of our orientation session to assist her "in any way that I can" even though the session he pulled her out of was a this is how we can best assist you session but he couldn't very well ogle her tits if she was sitting in the back row of a crowded room. When he asked the wretch what type of work she was looking for she replied with "im looking for a rich man to take care of me so i dont have to work"...